Sunday, May 20, 2012

What Names Best Represent the Miami Heat and Their Star Players?

The Miami heat are in a battle against the Indiana Pacers in their second round NBA playoff series. The heat rolled through the first round but are struggling in this series. Old habits and stereotypes seem to be resurfacing. That got me thinking about the best names to refer to the team and their star players.

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Lets start with the team's name, the Heat. What is a better name for the team?
Miami Freeze - The name Heat refers to strength, power and power. The Heat have been anything but those things in the last two games of their palyoff series.

Miami Cold - Yes, this is similar to the name above but after further review, the name Freeze can refer to strength as well. It could refer to freezing their opponents. I think that cool is a better reference. That's how their game has been. It's been pretty cold and non-existent.

Now for their two star players. This is more fun than renaming the Heat's nickname. We will start with Dwayne Wade. According to, the term wade means to walk in water, walk through water, snow, etc. So here's my two alternative names for wade:
Dwayne Sink - Wade is having a brutal series. The usually clutch player can't find his form and it's hurting the team. He is sinking when he should be soaring or at least wading. For the Heat's sake, Wade better find a way to collect himself and return to form. The Heat can't win without Wade.

Dwayne Drown - I like sink better, since it's not as degrading as this term. Unfortunately drown is a better reference to Wade and his terrible play. The term could also refer to the Miami Heat's last two games.

Now for some real fun. I turn my attention to Lebron James who is an easy target to make fun of. If you've read other posts of mine, you know that I'm not a big fan of James. So this makes this post more fun. The names for James have probably been used before but I like them and think that they are representative of Lebron James and how he plays in the playoffs.

Lebusto - While James is the best regular season player and his 2011/12 MVP award proves that, he is not a valuable playoff player. This has been documented and proven playoff year after playoff year. As far as his playoff performances for the heat are concerned, James has been a bust. If the team fails to win a championship team this year, James would have been a huge bust.

Queen James - Sorry to my female readers. This is not intended to insult you. You are great. It's James who isn't. I think this is a good name for a guy they call King James. A king is someone who would be as dominant in the playoffs as he is in the regular season. Unfortunately for Heat fans, James hasn't played like a king in the playoffs.

Lechoko - This is my favorite name for Lebron James. James is a choke artist when the game is on the line in the playoffs, especially the fourth quarter. Sure, he plays well for three quarters and puts up a lot of points but as game three showed NBA fans, Lebron chokes down the stretch when it really matters.

I've had some fun with this post and I'm sure Miami Heat fans will be angry with me for writing what they might think is offensive.  All I can say is grow some coconuts. This is meant as a light hearted commentary. If you believe int he jinx/counter jinx like I do, this post might actually help your team and you might have to thank me later.

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